


Ready To Comply

by marvellover24



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 21:10:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvellover24/pseuds/marvellover24
Summary: James "Buchanan" Barnes. The Winter Soldier, the world's deadliest assassin, the shell of a broken man. A collection of memories from before and after Hydra, lost ones and newly found ones.Inspired by Bucky's ready to comply scene in Winter Soldier





	1. Longing (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello y'all this is my first AO3 fic and yes it was originally posted on wattpad but I am no longer writing on there.  
This is a work that I've been trying to write since for forever and the two chapters is actually from 2016 with some minor edits so please just bear with me as I try to make this work. Most of the shorter chapters will probably have a part two continuation updated within a few days of part one. 
> 
> Honestly I am really excited to be writing this story, I've been putting it off for far too long and I've finally found the motivation and time to start this story again so let's see where this goes!
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos in advance!

Plums. He needed more plums. 

Grabbing his backpack and his worn wallet, Bucky slams the door, not bothering to lock it. He already had everything that was important to him with him. Keeping his head down, he walks through the mid-afternoon crowd gliding past busy men and women. Children ran past both of his sides, their mothers and father following quickly behind. His dark and torn red shirt let the cool breeze hit his skin, but of course, he couldn't feel it. Few passed him, giving strange looks while staring at his dirty cap. The sun was barely out and it was a beautiful day. Who would want to shield themselves from that? Someone who was hiding. He never looked long enough in one spot to fully take in its details. His eyes darting constantly from entrance to exit. 

Two teenage boys stood hand in hand at the ice cream shop, one blond and one brunette, smiling while occasionally licking the dripping ice cream cones. He smiles, he didn't remember much from his past, but he knew the times had changed. 

He stood at the corner of the market looking for the familiar shape of the fruit stall. Plums. The only thing running though his head was plums. He had read somewhere that plums helped regain memory or something of that sort. He was scratching desperately at anything and everything to remember something. The small notebook inside his jacket felt heavy as he saw the familiar sight of his plums. He started to make his way to the stand when suddenly another figure past by him, brushing him slightly by the shoulder. It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have bothered him. It shouldn't have felt like home when he knew he didn't have one. He refused to look back to see who it was, it wasn't a big deal, he had just lost control for a second. 

He inspected the plums one by one, trying to focus on which ones to buy, but the figure kept reappearing in his mind. Why did it feel so warm? Why did it feel nice? Why did it feel like anything at all? He didn't feel. He was a cold-hearted broken assassin, who had finally found some peace in his life. The vendor kept on speaking to a distracted man who no longer cared about the quality of his plums. The figure was behind the fruit stand, trying his best to blend in. But the assassin knew who belonged and who didn't. He knew he never belonged with humans anymore. The figure was watching him. The figure knew him. He knew the figure. The clouds covered the sun and the figure became completely dark, almost like he was never there. As the clouds moved again, it's rays of sunlight hit the figures short blond hair. The blond hair shined brightly but not nearly as much as the golden skin covered up by layers and layers of dark and green clothes. His eyes were covered by a dark navy blue cap with the Yankees's symbol stitched onto the front. He desperately wanted to rip the cap off the man just to see his eyes. Why didn't he know the man? Why was he staring at him? Why feel like he knew him? Stepping closer to the stall and into the sunlight, the figure slowly took off his cap revealing curious eyes glittering with tears brighter than diamonds. Blue. They were blue. Blue eyes that gave him hope and feeling. Feeling. Emotions. Words he had forgotten about rush through his chest and he struggles to breathe properly. He doesn't know why, but it felt like the blond man with blue eyes had been squeezing his heart seven feet away. He finally felt it as the man with the blue eyes and golden skin stared right back at him. Longing. He longed to grab the man standing only a few feet away. He longed to hold him close and feel his breath against his shoulder. He longed for the man, and yet he didn't know why.

He didn't want to know why.


	2. Longing (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky doesn't know if he's allowed to reach out, he doesn't know if he should.... he doesn't know if he can.

The two men stood still, staring deep into each other's eyes. The man with the blond hair held so much pain in his eyes. He had seen more than enough loss, sacrifice, pain, and struggle for a lifetime. His face was youthful, but his eyes held a sense of wisdom and age that one can only acquire through the journey of life. Bucky couldn't read much more than that. He knew the man wanted to talk to him, but something was holding him back. His mouth starts to open to greet the familiar stranger but not before the vendor blocks his view with five plums in each hand. He blinks and within that millisecond, the man was gone. He could no longer hear the beating of his heart pounding in his ears. Shaking his head yes, he selects a random bunch of plums absentmindedly, not bothering to check their quality, the blond, blue eyed warrior face still present in his mind. He pulls out his wallet and hands the vendor two crumpled up bills. Grabbing his wallet, he turns to face the mystery man with wide eyes. He was originally planing to go home and draw the man's face in his notebook, but he now longer needed to. His face was burned into his memory, he wasn't about to forget it anytime soon. They stood less than two inches away simply staring at one another. The man whispers, "Hello James," his voice slightly cracking. The name James did not sit right in his mouth and he hesitated to say it at all.

"How the hell do you know my name?" Bucky growls at the stranger. The man's face falls from heaven and crashes into a million pieces of glass and rocks. Broken. Beyond broken. Bucky had never felt so much guilt, not when killing Stark and his wife, nor the millions of other innocent lives he had destroyed with his metal arm.

"It's me Buck, it's Steve." The man holds out his hand, but Bucky grabs it and twists it behind him.

"Do not call me that." He hisses. The name felt like hot burning coal on his heart and this man shouldn't have been able to know that name. "Who are you, you have five seconds before I break your arm." The man hangs his head low in regret, the fact that his arm was beyond twisted did not hurt him at all, it was the fact that Bucky could not remember him at all. "Times up." And he twists his arm all the way up to his head.

"Steve! My name is Steve Rogers!" He cries. His arm was now hurting and he was afraid of what Bucky would do next. Afraid. Steve had never feared Bucky, no matter what. Yes he felt jealous, mad, and guilty because of him, but never in his life was he terrified of him.

"How do you know my name, Steve Rogers?" Bucky seethes, not letting go of Steve's arm.

"Bucky please, we were friends, best friends." Steve whispers with watery eyes: he couldn't raise his voice any further without the fear of it cracking. People were now watching and whispering as Bucky's metal arm slightly creeped out of his jacket.

"I don't believe you." Number one rule of being an assassin, you can't have any loose ends. You couldn't get attached to anyone, let alone have a best friend. But he wasn't an assassin anymore. He wasn't a cold blooded killer who could give less of a damn about anyone or anything anymore. He had feelings. He was human. He was a human being with feelings like any other normal man or woman. "Prove we ar- were friends."

"You would call me a punk because I would never know when to back down from a fight, you would say I would go looking for them, trying to get in trouble. And you would save me. And I would call u a jerk. But you once told me, you would be with me till the end of the line pal. You would never leave me and I would never leave you. But I did leave you. I left you in the blood stained hands of Hydra when I should have been giving my every breath to finding you. But truth is, I gave up. The moment you fell from the train, I had given up. I knew I could never save you, but I didn't expect.." Steve's body goes limp, and Bucky immediately lets go. He turns Steve around to see his watery eyes and tear streaks across his beautiful face. The sirens of police cars rang loud and clear through the silence. His face snaps up to see the entire crowd surrounding them staring with shock, awe, and fear. The police couldn't catch him and his presence was already posted on the Internet. "Go." Steve whispers. He knew exactly what was running through Bucky's head and he couldn't stop him now. Bucky grabs Steve's non-injured arm and pulls him up.

"Run." And with that the ex-assassin takes off running with his jacket flying out behind him like a cap and his backpack strapped permanently to his back. Steve soon catches up behind Bucky and follows him through fake alleys and across rooftops. After what felt like an eternity of running, Bucky stops in front of an apartment building only for a second before bursting through the door and sprinting up the stairs with Steve trailing not far behind him. He stops at room 17 silently inspecting the doorknob. It was locked. Bucky raises his finger to his mouth to shut Steve up before he began asking questions. He gestures there's someone inside and Steve immediately resumes the stance of a hardened soldier. The two stand on either side of the door waiting for any movement from inside the apartment. A shadow brushes past the door and it goes flying into the apartment. Bucky stands with his metal arm punched out and Steve with a small gun in his hand. It was odd for Steve to have a gun instead of his shield but he would have to make do. In the midst of the dust and debris, stands a slightly fazed Tony Stark with his hands clasped in front of him.

"You know you could have just knocked before you blew your door down." Stark smirks before stepping out of the barrier of pieces of the door."Steve." He nods at the soldier. "And you must be James Buchanan Barnes. It's a pleasure." He sticks his hand out to Bucky and while Steve had lowered his gun, Bucky hadn't moved and inch. "Well then, you don't like shaking hands and exchanging stupid, polite, and formal words, that's fine. I can dig that. (A.n lol I'm making so many things up and legit Tony does not talk like that but u know that Dean quote can ya dig Elvis and what not and that just ended up here so yah) My name is Tony Stark. Now normally most of the people I meet know who I am but you.." He takes in his surroundings, "well you live under a rock." He grins stupidly while the captain rolls his eyes.

"Tony why are you here?" Steve groans while putting his gun away.

"I wanted to see how the war reunion was going, is that a crime?" The young genius remarks while going through the cabinets in the kitchen.

"No but breaking and entering an apartment is. Why are you really here?" Tony looks at the floor contemplating if he should have Rhodey bail him out of jail or Pepper. Pepper. He had forgotten about their break.

"I wanted to meet your boyfriend and I also heard he had metal arm and I was hoping to experiment on it?" He mutter the last part and winces as if expecting a blow from one of the soldiers.

"You what!!" Steve yells before realizing that tot had called Bucky his boyfriend.

"You didn't DENY IT!!" Tony shouts pointing a finger at Steve who rolls his eyes.

"Tony you're being immature, and no you can not experiment on Bucky's arm." Bucky does not move his arm but he follows Tony as he walks around the small apartment inspecting each nook and cranny. (Ha I said nook and cranny)

"Bucky he's a friend of mine, do you remember Howard Stark? This is his son, Anthony Stark. They aren't so different, both egotistical and geniuses. Bucky, he's a good person, he's not the enemy." Steve pleads while trying to get Bucky to lower his arm. Steve grabs his left arm and it sends jolts through Bucky.

"Steve," he gasps before shuddering with pleasure. Tony watches with amusement as Steve lets go of Bucky in fear. Memories. They flash through the brainwashed mind of Bucky Barnes who was on the floor now with his head in his hands, gasping for air.

"BUCKY!" Steve collapses on the ground next to his best friend holding him in his lap.

"Yeah I need one of my medic jets here right now." Tony shouts into his phone before crouching over Bucky as well holding him still.

"Buck, please Buck, what's going on, talk, come on talk to me!" Bucky continues to shake and yell incoherent words.

"STEVE! STOP PLEASE! STOP YOU'RE BETTER THAN-" and then he's quiet. Shallow breaths escape as Steve shakes Bucky yelling for him to wake up. The sound of a helicopter drowns Steve's please as a team of medics rush to his side checking for a pulse. The Stark's medic team tugs Bucky out of his hands while loading him onto a stretcher and into the helicopter. Tony grabs Steve and helps him up and into the loading area and forces him to sit down away from Bucky. Tony didn't want Steve to start having nightmares again if he saw his best friend like this. Steve shook in his arms as Tony gave orders to his medical staff. It was soon silent as the beeps of the monitors and the quiet hum of the jet's engines became the only noises heard in the jet. The jet suddenly stopped in mid air before lowering slowly onto the Avengers Tower's loading area. The medics transported the barely breathing Bucky as Tony took Steve into the tower's main level where the rest of the team stood anxiously, all ready to comfort the captain at moments notice. The captain hobbled into the room with red eyes and tears still running down his face. 

Steve could live with the fact that Bucky was alive and an assassin because he knew there would still be a chance to get him back, but he couldn't stand the thought of Bucky dying again because of him. It shook him like waves at the beach. Longing. The feeling rippled through him as he lays his head down on the clear desk. He longs to have Bucky back. He longs to have a normal life. He longs to have a normal life with Bucky. He longs and that's all he does. 

Because that's all he knows how to do.


	3. Seventeen (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve doesn't remember why he agreed to go on the date. He doesn't know why he would reject it either. He just doesn't know. But he does know that the tiny needles in his heart seem to disappear whenever Bucky smiles and that's what he did when Steve agreed to go on the double date.

"Steve!"

_"No Buck, I said no..."_

"Oh come on Steve, its just darts. Look at that poor little dog just waiting to be won." His lips push out starting to pout.

_"Buck, you know I'll miss."_ Another pair of lips push out to form its own pout.

"Steve, its really not that hard! Watch," He wrapped his arm around Steve's. "Hold it like a pencil," Steve feels the warmth of Bucky's hand as it tightly grips his own. "Aim," he whispers as they both draw their arms back as Steve unconsciously presses himself into Bucky. "Fire!" he throws his arm forward just as Bucky lets his hand go.

It feels cold once again. Not having Buck's hand to hold on to.

"Steve! Steve look!" Bucky runs forward to the counter with that same grin he fell for years ago. He points to the bulleyes where the dart he had just thrown sits in the middle.

"See, I told you you could do it!" Buck murmurs as he gently pats Steve on his back and the warmth returns. The red head, Dot or something, shrieks happily as the boy running the stall lowers the 2 feet tall dog that was hanging at the very top of the prize rack. Her voice pierces through his thoughts as he goes forward to collect his prize.

He can barely reach Bucky's shoulders so he tiptoes to tap him, "Buck, Bucky ... can we do that again?" his voice just below a whisper. "Please?"

Bucky turns around laughing, almost falling to the floor breathless. "What did you just say Steve? I think I misheard you, I'm pretty sure you meant to say 'can we leave please?'" His broad chest shakes with laughter as the chuckling red head joins his hip.

"Ignore that, sorry. I forgot we don't have much time." he rushes out before quickly grabbing his brown haired date and speed walking to the next game three stalls over.

Despite the bone-chilling wind, his cheeks flushed pink as he buried himself in his coat even further. He was just cold that's all and Bucky's hands were just warm... unlike his date's. And soft. But calloused. And big. But comforting. Unlike his date's.

He quickly grabs his date's hand and rushes forward to the popcorn stall. "Would you like anything? If you're not hungry now, you could take some for the ride back home if you would like? I mean not that you have to but I think-" the grip on his hand suddenly tightens as his date smiles.

"No thank you Steve, but we could share a hotdog if you want to?" Her smile should be dazzling. It should be heartwarming. It should be blinding enough to keep him from seeing a certain brown haired boy and his red headed date kiss five stalls back.

He chokes and wonders how long they've been like that. It felt like a thousand tiny needles were being stabbed into his heart as he struggles to breathe alone.

"Steve?" He hears a tiny voice in the background. "Steve, hello? Was that a yes or a no? Steve did you even hear what I said?" The grip on his hand disappears as his date snaps her fingers in front of his face.

"Yes, yes I'm sorry, I must have blanked out for a second. I'm sorry." He doesn't think he could get any smaller but somehow he manages to bury himself even further into his jacket. "Right, I heard you and my answer is yes, I'll share." He tries to grin but fails miserably when the corners of his mouth refuses to turn up.

Despite his date being less than a foot in front of him, his eyes continued to flicker back and forth between her fading grin and the advancing couple now only two stalls back.

"Let's go now! Before Bucky and Dot catch up and probably cut us in line." He grabs her tiny hand once again, this time shoving their hands into his pocket before speeding down the aisle.

"Steve what-" Her brain rattles around trying to understand why Steve would care about Bucky and Dot cutting them for some shitty carnival hot dogs but not before getting dragged past 1, no 3, nope 5, and now 6, never mind 8, finally 11 food stalls in less than 15 seconds. Last time she checked, Steve was barely an inch taller than her, and had smaller biceps than her.

"Steve, hold on! Let's slow down, I don't think they would cut us in the first place." She hears what she thinks was an "I know" which only confuses her more.

They buy the hot dogs in silence, just like how most of the double date had been going till now. She spots an empty bench next to the ferris wheel and leads Steve who was holding the hotdog and lemonade.

The bench is cold but neither of them cares... they both have more pressing things to think about.

They eat quickly in silence until only the lemonade is left.

She takes a sip from the cold cup, "Steve how old are you this year?" she turns to look at him in the eyes.

His voice is painfully hesitant as he answers, "Seventeen...why? Are you older than me? If you are, is that a deal breaker?"

She snorts as she puts the lemonade down to grab Steve's chilly hand with her own freezing ones. "How old is Bucky? Is he seventeen too?"

"Yes, yes he is. Is that important too?"

"I don't know, is it?"

They sit peacefully as the Ferris wheel behind them begins to turn.

"It might be, I mean its the last year before you become an adult. The last year you can make mistakes and blame it on your parents." She pauses for a whole minute and neither date seems to know how to breathe. "Its could be your last year by his side, before he leaves... no?"

Her words don't quite register in his head at first. It feels like he's back in kindergarten learning how to understand phrases and sentences all over again.

"Why..why would he leave? Wouldn't he come back?" It's not like the military is a job Bucky could keep for forever. It was just a phase he wanted to be a part of. Bucky would come back. Back to him. Right? He wasn't sure anymore.

"You never know Steve, he might find the love of his life there," she whispers the next part so softly he can't tell is it was her voice or the wind. "or realize he left him."

His mouth presses into a fine line as new thoughts swirl around his head, unable to center himself at all.

"How long have you known him Steve?" Suddenly he can't seem to look away from those same brown eyes he couldn't focus on ten minutes ago.

"I don't know, pretty much my whole life.. I think." He thinks back to all the times he and Bucky fooled around until he couldn't remember any further back.

"You care for him right? Like more than just a friend, kind of like a really really close best friend?" She raises her eyebrows as his eyes finally look away in thought.

"I do, I care for him a lot. He means the whole world to me, I honestly don't know what I would do without him," His eyes cast down and he hopes the tears brimming by some miracle don't fall down. "I'd probably be dead." He whispers into the wind. But she still hears him. She shuffles closer to envelope him into a warm hug, it fills him with an odd sense of relief that surprises him.

She rests her chin on his shoulder, which isn't very hard to do considering their similar sizes. "Do you think he cares for you in the same way?" The thousand tiny needles return and he can't help but gasp as he chokes.

The words forming in his brain can't make their way out of his mouth and he feels alone once again. Tiny but comforting hands start to circle his back as he slowly regains his breath. "I think," he strains to hear her voice, "I think he does, I think he really does Steve."

Neither of them say another word. He doesn't know how much times passes by as the remain in each other's presence in silence. Its odd. He didn't think he would find comfort in anyone's arms other than Bucky's, but he stands corrected.

"Do you..." This time it seems like she's the one who can't breathe and he's rubbing circles on her back. "Do you love him Steve?" The words catch onto a gust of wind and disappear. "You don't have to answer Steve, I think I already know your answer. I think you may not know your answer."

The needles disappear as his chest sinks when he releases a long breath he didn't know he had been holding in the whole time.

He hears his heart beating loudly and fast to the sounds of children, parents and young couples screaming with joy in the distance.

He wonders if one of those screams are Bucky and the redhead's. He wonders if Bucky is listening for his screams too. He wonders how lucky he is to have this brown haired girl in his arms right now. He wonders if Peggy knows how grateful he is. He wonders if she knows how hard it is to breathe around Bucky, let alone with another girl hanging off his hip. He wonders if Bucky feels suffocated when he sees Steve walk around with a girl too.

He sits there and wonders if one day he'll get to know how Bucky feels. But right now, he just wants to go home and sleep.

"I'm sorry.." Is all he can force out for now before letting Peggy go to stand up. "I think we should find them.." He offers a hand to pick her up, "and catch the last bus back home. If we miss this one, we are going to have to walk all the way back. I don't think Dot will spare us the complaining if that happens."

She smiles back up at him and takes his hand. His hand isn't as cold anymore and neither is hers. Her smile wasn't dazzling or blinding, but it gave him reassurance; reassurance that he wasn't alone.


End file.
